Category: The Village Mom


You know every time I lend an ear to someone who is going through a rough time, I tell them to look at the positive side of the situation. As a mother of six I have had several of my friends come to me for help when their child is sick, or when their having contractions or when they even think they might be pregnant they ask me, before they even consult their doctors lol. I have also chatted about sexual problems, cheating boyfriends, drugs and alcohol. For some reason people come to me for advice. And yes it is mostly with my online friends, but my real life friends and family have as well. I always say to look at the positive side of everything.

Let me start from the beginning. I was very negative about everything in my life and I didn’t even realize it. My music was negative, yet I still appreciate the beauty and art to Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson today. My writings were negative. I have spirals and spirals of poems and journals that I will one day publish, they are filled with horrible teenage nonsence but it makes complete sense. My fashion was negative. I wore all black, dark lipstick, revealing clothes. My sexuality was negative. I was in bad relationships, every single one of my exes was an alcoholic or a meth head. Yeah one extreme to the other. I drank a lot, I would fight with my family and my friends. I wanted to hurt people, myself and hated life all together. As I grew older, I had children and my heart began to soften, I settled down with a great guy who was not addicted to substances and started a family. At first it was difficult, I was having to raise another mothers son and I was not too happy about that. My husband worked out of town and I some how managed to still get pregnant 3 times.

On June 20, 2012, my third year anniversary, I finally flipped my shit. I was on a birth control called Seasonique (which I do not reccomend because of the high levels of hormones it has in it), I was also taking xanax and prozac, and I was drinking a whole lot and I finally just lost my mind, like seriously. After laying in bed for days crying and crying and fighting with my husband and the kids I finally got out of bed and I grabbed my bottle of Xanax and swallowed what was left in the bottle, which was around 30 two milligram pills. I drank every drop of alcohol in the house and began cutting my wrists. At the time I had a 3 year old and a 6 month old at home and my older girls were with my family. I called my husband and told him what I did. Within seconds my dad and his dad were there. They took my kids away and tried to settle me down. My husband showed up and I started fighting with him. I was seeing demons around everyone. I saw black clouds that floated all around me and my family. My dad took me to his place and I kind of don’t remember too much after that. I woke up at 4 a.m. and had my dad take me home. I laid down in bed with my husband, feeling completely ashamed of myself for ruining our anniversary and for being a total fucking bitch!

I am lucky to be alive. I didn’t go to the hospital, apparently I have a damn good tolerance or it just wasn’t my time to go. But from that day I began a new path and it all started with looking at the positive side of things. I didn’t want to be unhappy anymore. I wanted to live life without regrets and without the boulder that had been on my shoulders since I could remember. 

It wasn’t like I woke up and was a whole new person the next day, it took time and it took meditation. Before when I would see posters that said, “Be Positive” I rolled my eyes, but now I wanted to learn how to do this. To see the brighter side of a bad situation. It has been a little over a year now and I am finally getting it lol.

My first step to doing this was looking for a higher power and since I was pretty much a Catholic gone Atheist at the time I knew there was something else out there that was more powerful than me yet not an imaginary character up in the sky. And I found her, I realized when I was outside standing barefoot in the grass that the earth was my creator. She was the one who created light out of darkness, who placed life on her thriving surface, soon evolving into the human beings we are today. I realized that I am lucky to be alive. That my eyes get to see this beauty, my ears can hear rivers flow and birds chirp, my nose can smell fresh roses and a freshly cut lawn. I realized there was a reason for me to be here, as I looked down at my children’s faces, so innocent and unknowing of what their life has in store for them. I realized that I am one with god because my legs are like roots planted into her soil. 

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Now that I knew where I belonged I began to see the light. I would meditate nightly with my favorite song Everloving by Moby playing on my MP3 player on repeat. I would burn some sage, light a white candle and sit in the mediation position for an hour or so. I focused on building a bubble around me. A ball of white positive energy that would not allow any negativity in. At the time my husband worked out of town and I had time to meditate late at night while the kids slept. I focused on this force field for a month or so before I began to see that I had control over it. If a negative situation came up, I could block that negativity from affecting me. If someone was in a bad mood, I would no longer feel their depression through their eyes. I learned that negativity is like a snowball. It starts out small, but the more you allow it into your life the bigger it gets, until it just falls apart. 

So I now had a creator and I could control the negativity, yet being positive was still hard, and it is still hard. But I have done much better and I have been a much happier person now.

How does one look at the positive side of having two vehicles break down, totally dead within a 4 month period? 

How does one look at the positive side of not having enough money to pay the bills?

How does one look at the positive side of losing a loved one?

How? How? How? Well its all how you look at it. Yes my vehicles are dead and I am home with six kids alone while my husband is working his ass off 2 hours away. But at least I am not the one who is dead, just my vehicles. I will have to walk to the store a few times. I will have to ask for rides from others, but why should I let this get me down? Yeah it is an inconvenience but it could be worse. 

I have had my electric, water, cable, phone all disconnected, yet never all at once. I have had to go a few hours without electricity while I figure out a way to pay the bill. Yes, it sucks with kids who want to watch t.v. and no air conditioner, but I get it paid and turned right back on. Because I don’t dwell on how I am going to get through this, I just get through it. And it could be worse. I could be homeless without my children and family.

Since I was a kid my dad taught me not to fear death. “It’s going to happen eventually so why be scared?” he would say. It is sad that loved ones leave us, it is hard because we miss them. But they were able to live upon this earth with you. You learned from them and they learned from you, whether you had a good relationship or not. They do not die, because they are always remembered. Their bodies may perish back into the earth yet their souls stay with us forever. 

So I sit here, trying to figure out a way to get at least one vehicle fixed. What we are going to do about Christmas? Adding up numbers to see how much we owe and how much money we won’t have left. Yet I have this feeling inside me like everything will be okay. It may not be today or tomorrow but it will all work out. I do not want to worry myself sick with negative thoughts, they will only allow more negative things to happen, causing the snowball to grow. If you think positive, it opens up a path that leads to more positivity. Don’t let the little things in life get you down, don’t dwell on the ‘What if’s?’ in life. No one knows what tomorrow will be like. No one knows the outcome to any situation. So just sit back and relax and enjoy that your alive, your heart is beating and that some day it will be your turn to return to the earth and some one else will be born to take your place.  

This topic may be a bit personal but I have got to know if others experience bladder leakage? I have had 5 children, 3 of them were over 9 lbs each. Since I had my last child in May, it has gotten worse, usually a coughing fit or sneezing too many times had me changing panties once or twice a day, but now if I wait too long to go, I will just go on my own. A small cough, a light sneeze, hell I couldn’t even jump on our trampoline without wearing a pad. 

Is there something that can help? I have heard that kegals do but I always forget to do them. My third child was 9 lbs 10 ounces, just shy of being 10 pounds and I delivered him vaginally. After I had him, my doctor told me that he laid on my bladder and that it would never be the same, well after two more 9 lbs babies (luckily they were cesareans) my bladder can barely hold a glass of water. It is embarrassing. I try to wear pads, but the liners aren’t enough and the regular pads for your period are just too bulky and I hate wearing them if I am not menustrating. 

I hope this isn’t too much information. I am just reaching out to see if there is anything you can do to stop the leakage? 

Learning to Love Guns

Okay I do have to brag about my husband a little ;)! He has joined the world of being a Facebook admin on Stevens Fun Page of Shooting!! But the real reason is because he has taught me not to be afraid of guns. I grew up around guns. My dad was a hunter. I was always around them but I never handled them. My brother learned how to shoot at a real young age and I remember shooting a shotgun once at my grandmothers ranch and it knocked me back so hard that I never wanted to shoot a gun again. Well that all changed when I met my husband. I started off small with a pink stun gun that is 800,000 volts. But then my husband bought me my very own gun a Rugger 380. Small and compact gun, easy to carry in your purse, and he even painted it pink for me. He took me out to the shooting range several times and I would shoot his AR-15 and my pistol. I was still scared and nervous when we would go. I was wearing a low cut shirt one time at the range and a hot shell fell into my cleavage and left a burn mark in the perfect shape of a bullet! You would think I would of learned my lesson but no, I wore a low shirt again and the same thing happened another time! I know now to cover your cleavage when shooting!!! 

So I went through a few pregnancies and kind of steered away from the guns while I was pregnant, but in between pregnancies I would go shoot. Well now that we have had our final, sixth child, I have been trying to go shooting as much as I can. I am feeling more confident. He has taught me so much and I am slowly gaining trust in myself to handle a gun on my own. 

We sit and clean our guns together sometimes, him more than me because he uses his guns more, but when I clean mine with him, he shows me what oils and cleaners to use and which tools are for what. I compare it to my sewing machine, when you have to clean the inside of the bobbin case! If I tried to take my gun apart and put it back together on my own I believe I can do it now. He is usually there to help me though. While we clean he tells me about how to hold the gun, how to load it, how to tell if its loaded and ready to shoot, just giving me tips and I try not to forget them. One I remember is indexing. It is keeping your finger off the trigger and pointed strait out until read to shoot. 

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We got the first part of getting our concealed handgun licences last month and we both passed! It was a six hour class and 50 rounds on the range. I passed with a 188, with 175 being the passing score. 
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The class by Coastal Bend CHL & Tactical was very informative and the instructor, Joe Phillips was cool as hell. The test was a whole lot easier than I thought it would be. I learned a whole lot from the class and a lot I had already learned from my husband. I don’t get to go shooting as much as I would like, because I am usually home with the kids, but my husband takes the older kids with him. Our oldest daughter kind of doesn’t really have an interest in them, but our six year old daughter does and of course our teenage son as well!

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We have a total of eight guns I think. I can not name them all but I will try… 2 Rugger 380s, an SKS, AR-15, another Ruger, a 9MM, a .22 and 2 shotguns. They are all locked away in a large gun safe and one is locked in a mini safe in our office. My husband has bullet proof vests, high LED flashlights, ammo, and a ton of other stuff that I am not too familiar with yet.  He says if he needs to protect his family he wants to be prepared. You never know what is going to happen.
Here is my hubby on Halloween 2012

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But it is true. You never know when you are going to get mugged, or when someone is going to let loose a 1000 rounds in a McDonalds. Wouldn’t you rather have a gun to defend yourself and loved ones in that time of need. I could go into government retaliation, natural disasters, nuclear war but I won’t this time. But if that happened you should be prepared, have food on hand, and protect the looters who will try to take your belongings. 

I am now against gun control when before I thought guns were evil little objects that randomly shot people on their own. I am happy to be halfway done with my C.H.L. and I can not wait till I can legally carry my gun (and hopefully its a new pretty pink one) in my purse and feel safe no matter where I am at, at all times and my children will be protected!

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For many years I went back and forth between many different religions. I was born and raised a catholic so naturally I rebelled as a teenager and became a satanist. As I grew older and had kids of my own, I started going to different churches and never really could connect to anything or anyone at the churches. I decided to make my family happy and baptise my first two kids and I even tried to get my communion, which I ended up not completeing and dropping out when I met my husband. He straight up told me he was an athiest. Told me I shouldn’t do things to please everyone else and so I finally just dropped all religion completely. I didn’t believe in a god or a devil or that we go to a heaven or hell. I didn’t want to raise my kids the way I was raised, in fear of burning for eternity when I died because I said a few bad words and stole a few things. 

After living like that for a few years, I still didn’t feel complete. I knew there was a higher power, something out there that wasn’t god, but our creator. One day I was in a strange mood and there was a storm coming. I stood outside waiting to see the clouds roll in and to feel the rain upon my face but before I knew it I was almost knocked over from a strong gust of wind. I got control of myself and I stood there for a second. The sky was pink and yellow yet the clouds were dark and black. Something in me changed completely. I knew then that the god I had been looking for my whole life was right below my feet. It was like that gust of wind was a slap in the face to me. I felt honored to be chosen by nature to experience that storm from that point of view. Of course I didn’t know at the time but there was a tornado going through a pasture in my back yard. I jumped back into reality when I heard glass break. I got our 3 dogs and put them in the garage and I went inside where I saw that the glass breaking was the window in my kids room, who were all awake now from the storm. I moved them all to my bed, the power was out, the wind was strong, the rain was loud like rocks being thrown at our house. Trees were broken, streets were flooded, all our neighbors were out helping eachother. And I just could not shake the feeling I had just been given. That gust of wind made me feel energized. I was buzzing with energy. I was like lightning in a room of darkness. I wanted to share this feeling with everyone but I couldn’t. Phones were dead, computers down, and I wasn’t comfortable telling my husband what I experienced. After the storm, the next day I called my mom and she reccommended a page on facebook to visit. The Pagan Circle. I started to look things up about paganism and did a ton of research and realized I was an earth child. I hid behind an alias of Moon Firelove for a year as I gathered up information. I studied the different gods and goddesses and started making an album on facebook on my profile. Then I decided to start my own page The Garden of Pagan Knowledge with much help from a friend I met through The Pagan Circle. Everything I wanted to learn I put it on my page for others to learn too. My page started growing faster than I thought it would. I started making bags to hold tarot cards and doing giveaways on the page and I loved all the responses from my fans when they would win. In May of this year it had been a year that I had been calling myself pagan but I had only told one person I was and she was a stranger, and wasn’t too interested in the topic. Just recently I started to open up and told my husband I was, which he already knew by the things I was ordering in the mail, essential oils, stones, incense. Then I told a few friends and yesterday I just made it public on facebook. I was tired of hiding. Tired of not voicing my opinion on my religion. I have told my 2 oldest children. Which my daughter already knew because we have practiced doing spells together. Now the spells part is still kind of hard for me to tell people I do them. But I am writing this blog so it will be out there now. Spells I have done are not to harm anyone, not to make anyone fall in love with me, but to help my family and friends. I have done money spells, finding spells, spells to help out someone who was going through a rough time. And doing spells means I am a witch, which is a term that is frowned upon. I feel comfortable enough now to be open about my religion. I was born from the earth. Earth is our creator. We evolved through time eventually becoming who we are today and eventually evolving into more intelligent humans. Now that I can be open about paganism, I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel normal. I feel at peace with my life and I am happy with how it is going. Troubles at home have dwindled down, I can talk to people more easily without feeling shy or ashamed. I can finally be me and do my own thing. Now I am not going to bash any religion because I am sure everyone feels this sense of freedom in their own religion too. I am happy to announce that I am pagan and proud! And I will surely blog more about paganism and teach others how it is percieved as an evil religion when in fact it is more peaceful than any religion I ever learned containing one God. It has only been a little over a year but I am ready to keep going and when I die I will go to Summerland or back into the earth where I once came from. 

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